By Rajpreet Heir
Sing Me a Circle: Love, Loss, and a Home in Time by Samina Najmi
Samina Najmi’s memoir-in-essays Sing Me a Circle: Love, Loss, and a Home in Time captures her family’s migrations across Asia, Africa, Europe, and North America. The circle mentioned in the title holds true both for the form itself—the author uses a meditative, repeating structure—and for the uniting of disparate people, places, and histories central to her identity. A professor of multiethnic literatures at the California State University, Fresno, Najmi writes an ambitious, fascinating multigenerational story, a collective narrative, that resists the erasure of her family and the violence of colonization.
Many of the memoir’s characters maintain a lifelong yearning for family members and homes of their past. Najmi’s parents first left India—her mother to East Pakistan (now Bangladesh) as a child and her father left for Karachi as a teenager. Her mother moved to Karachi after they married, and from there they relocated to London in 1966 with their two children. Their goal, which they accomplished, was to return to Karachi with more work experience and English skills. Financial struggles brought them back to England briefly before they settled in Karachi for good in 1975. Najmi, who left to study literature in Massachusetts, then moved to California to teach, often longs for home, noting, “all linearity is circularity in disguise.”
Told in fifty-five essays and poems that loop through time, the book is organized into three parts. Her opening essay, fittingly a triptych, introduces us to her rebellious cousin Rubina and her suicide at age eighteen—a loss Najmi reveals still haunts her by making her cousin the subject of thirteen flash fragments placed throughout the book. Rubina, the black sheep of the family and three years Najmi’s junior, was also the first to win a scholarship to a college in America. Written in italics, as if still distressed, Najmi communicates through these raw fragments directly addressed to Rubina a larger message about the way grief can get stuck in our systems. Najmi alternates from guilt “Why didn’t I knock more often” to frustration “Why did you make it so hard for us to like you?” to searching for signs “Your A-level essay, on parents who create monsters / and the monsters who lash back at the world.”
Education, writing, and storytelling: That’s how Najmi and her family have held together a sense of community across time and place and language. Najmi explains that her far-flung family is “anchored on the page.” She honors the poetry and prose written by relatives who did not get to pursue writing professionally. As an Indian-British-American whose family made similarly timed migrations, and whose mother was born the same year as Najmi, I especially appreciated the care she put into shedding light on the inner lives of her parents, aunt, and grandfather. (Language barriers, cultural divides, and geographical distances make many of my older relatives a mystery to me.)
One of the most beautiful tributes, where Najmi’s narrative writing shines, is of her grandmother’s stories. Her grandmother, who was born in 1920, the oldest of eight, left her whole family behind in India when her husband, the love of her life, decided they’d be safer in the newly created Pakistan after the Partition of the Indian subcontinent in 1947. When her husband died, she was left a widow at forty-five. She’d bury two of her seven children—one who was born with cerebral palsy and another who died in a mental institution—and rely on her other children for financial support the rest of her life. Starting in her fifties, by then limited in mobility, she began journaling by hand, filling notebooks over the next two decades. In one of the most moving sections of the book, Najmi flies to Karachi to say goodbye to her grandmother who is dying and refusing care. As her grandmother’s lungs, kidneys, vision, and heart fail, she transforms from a quiet to forthright woman, and “released all the words she had kept packaged up inside her”: joking, quoting poetry, and crying out for her dead husband, her mother, and her dead children. Relatives from all over visited, and her grandmother shared a story for each, about their parents or past, tying them to her “like a blind Tiresias.”
One of the few common physical places which centers many of her family members is the school her mother founded in the living room of their house in Karachi in the 1970s: English Playhouse, which emphasized using English and learning through play, remained open for over three decades. Her mother, who had been kept from school for most of her childhood since the only schools around her were co-ed, had a teaching philosophy focused on “physical, emotional, intellectual, and imaginative” freedom. It’s where Najmi got her first teaching experience, where female employees learned to “assert themselves,” and where a longtime male custodian who was also a drag artist could thrive. Najmi’s aunt, who became a single mom at twenty-one after divorcing an abusive husband, set an example for younger women in the family by finding meaningful work at English Playhouse and having “no-one to boss her around at home.” Najmi writes that the school “is the story of a small community in the urban sprawl of a poor country, reaching deep within itself to find its own resources and endeavoring to raise its children on them.”
Though Najmi loved English Playhouse, she never really felt she belonged in Pakistan, yet she feels a need to return when 9/11 occurs. In her essay “Hiding Osama Bin Laden,” she shares that the backlash against people of Muslim background in America robbed her of her rootedness. The backlash and the birth of her second son, Cyrus, are a catalyst for giving up her adjunct teaching position to return home to Karachi. She wanted her two young kids to spend time with her family, to gain familiarity with Urdu. Later, she wonders if that open-ended stay, which spanned five months, was a practice separation from her husband, Alex. She reminds us that “when the road ahead of you vanishes, you retrace your footsteps to where you began.” Not only does Najmi use this essay to illustrate how she tries to maintain her Pakistani identity while living far away from the land, but she also shares the challenges of teaching her children, who don’t remember a world before 9/11, how to integrate their identities when the media and often schools collapse “orthodox, moderate, and secular Muslims into one, undifferentiated mass.” Here lies just one of the major stakes Najmi emphasizes in her quest to connect places, people, languages, and histories.
Najmi’s self-sorting, her documenting, is an impressive effort to form a coherent story within larger forces of war, racism, sexism, and imperialism.
Trio House Press
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Rajpreet Heir is an assistant professor of creative nonfiction at the University of Tampa. Her work has appeared in The Rumpus, The New York Times, Brevity, Teen Vogue, and The Atlantic, among others, and in three anthologies.