By Jillian McKelvey
We sit on the cement porch, our legs folded over the top step eating seafood in the dark, like lovers. We dine on shrimp and bay scallops. I stroke his neck and he twitches with delight, ears forward, nostrils flexed, quivering. Fish brighten his smile—like that smelly, dead Walleye he rolled in on the beach two summers ago. He basked in its perfume, belly to the sky.
He basks now, distracted from his withered haunches and his scarred hairless elbows rubbing against the cement. He focuses on the fish and sucks them from my fist between missing teeth and sawed-off canines. He eyes the last shrimp tucked between my fingers and watches the soaring arc of my arm, the beckoning sign language, “Come on boy, let’s go to bed.”
He pants. It’s likely the pain and the effort of coordinating all his body parts to stand and inch his way down the hall, sure-footed on the carpet, but with little purchase on the hardwood floor. I press a pain pill into a scallop and place it on his memory-foam mattress. He staggers like a foal and inhales the prize.
His face has never changed, soft and smooth as the day we met. Freckles. Not one gray hair. His eyes warm, accepting, wise in the way old age makes us wise, sad in the way old age makes us sad, wondrous in the way of holding me, keeping me close.
Jillian McKelvey writes narrative nonfiction in Mississauga, Ontario where she lives with her husband Peter and Freddy, the funny dog. She graduated with her second MFA in 2022. Jillian is currently working on I’m Losing My Mountains, a memoir about a daughter’s pressing desire to delight her mother through Alzheimer’s.
Image by Emilia Niedzwiedzka courtesy of Unsplash
sweet & lovely. thanks!
What a lovely tribute to dear Hugo and perhaps Riley and Springer, all of them beloved companions and each with a unique personality. Thank you for sharing.
And Thank You!!
Mary, thank you for your sweet and lovely words. Jillian
Oh Jillian, How beautiful indeed. Very deep and touching piece of writing. You describe perfectly the intimate and
personal love for a dog. Your sensitivity is gifted and thanks for sharing.
Mary! Your generous words mean so much to me. A million thanks. Jillian
Mary, yours was the first response I read, and I must tell you that it brought a huge smile to my face. Thank you so much. Jillian
This a beautiful evocation of an hour, and of a deep friendship between a woman and her dog. My dog is 12 now; the older he gets the more wonderful he is–like a channel for love and delight. Like your dog.
The power of the unspoken.
A beautiful lovestory that honours the unique and tremendously special bond we share with our beloved canines. However fleeting, that bond is everlasting.
Lynn, your words about the everlasting bond are very true. Everlasting. Thank you, Jillian
Your words mean a lot to me. My first writing professor said, “leave space for the reader to move into.” Wise words indeed.
Richard, your words mean a lot to me. My first writing professor said, “Leave space for the reader to move into.” He called it Psychic Space. Wise words indeed.
Richard, somehow my response to you moved further down the page, so I am printing it for the third time and hoping I have mastered the response location. Your words mean a lot to me. My first writing professor said, “Leave space for the reader to move into.” He called it Psychic Space. Wise words indeed.
oh, so warm and loving.
Annie, So thoughtful of you to write. It means a lot! Jillian
A beautiful portrait of the depth of the human/
Non human relationship. Thank you for putting this in words.
Patty, my friend, you have a beautiful way with words. Thank you, Jillian
As a guy with a pair of aging pups, with a history of outliving all previous pups, thank you – for bringing another tear of recognition for my faithful, furry companions.
Thank you for your thoughtful words. I raise my glass to your aging pups. Jillian
fascinated with this writer and her voice and descriptions…what she doesn’t say is almost as impactful as what she does say. ..beautiful
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and intuitive words. I once listened to a beautiful song, “If you want to write a story, leave most of it out.” It had a lasting impact.
Simply stunning
Becky! You made my day. Jillian 🙂
Jillian is my friend and has often been able to put into words what I am feeling. She has a gift. This piece about our aging furry family members really hits home. Thank you Jillian for once again helping me and others express how we feel. xo
Karen, your art is an essay, and moves so many people. Thank you! Jillian
“…wise in the way old age makes us wise, sad in the way old age makes us sad…”
Yes, old age does that. Thank you for sharing this wisdom.
Pat, I love your response! Jillian
Love the pace and tenderness of this piece. Thank you!
Kathy, It’s very seldom someone remarks about pace, but I am so grateful to receive your thoughtful words. Jillian
Immensely touching. So evocative, brought me to tears.
Bethany! Wow. Your words nearly brought ME to tears. Thank you so much. Jillian
Heartbreaking and soulful tribute
Wonderful tribute
Anita, Thank you so much for your kinds words. Jillian
Oh, Jilly – this is lovely. So much feeling in a few, perfect words. Starting with Pogo, when you were a very little girl, all of your pups have been blessed having you to love them.
Thank you, Jillian, for thinking of me and sending this exquisite story gift. What a joy to hear from you and to read beautiful, understated words. The best antidote for a 77-year-old man who loves dogs and literature on this cold-ass January day in January. Send more.
Anyone who has ever loved a beloved pet and seen him or her through a final illness can relate to this beautiful piece. It is achingly sad and yet full of joy.
Lovely. Resonates with everyone who has loved an animal. Thank you.
“His face has never changed.”
<3
I enjoyed this essay. Dogs and humans have a special bond, and this essay captures the bond very well.
Best wishes for 2024!
Sincerely,
Janet Ruth Heller
This brought tears to my eyes; I feel this. Thank you for the beautiful memories this piece has sparked.
Leaves me wanting more! Thankyou for sharing!