By Jo Rzepiejewski
I played a lot of pool. I had near-constant epiphanies. Colors melted in my mouth and I ran in the dark. I understood what sleep meant, but I didn’t know how to use it in a sentence. I cried like I had no choice. I had no choice. I shot balls into pockets, and often missed.
It feels rotten to say mania was occasionally fun. My brain was an amusement park screaming and screaming and screaming, but I’ve always loved rollercoasters. Here it comes. Here we go! I was looming. Imagine cognition as rockslide. I gave myself over to sensation with pleasure and terror.
Summer stretched—rolled her sun-kissed neck lazily into August, just like always. I can’t untangle the mental hospital sheets for you yet. I can tell you I came back to the pool table in August. I took deep breaths. I measured angles. I compared the weight of various sticks.
I’m growing up and it’s alright. I mostly eat sliced peaches, and try to imagine the last time I could see the gnarled pit. Most days I feel like I could eat a hundred cans of sliced peaches. I don’t feel like peeling new skin, confronting the bruise.
I don’t know if that’s true. I can stare at the wound till it tears me a new one. But I’m trying to be better about that. I’m playing pool again.
The words come a little slower now.
Bruised flesh just makes peaches sweeter. Joy drips from my chin, overripe.
Jo Rzepiejewski (they/he) is a poet, essayist, and master’s student at Ball State University. They are currently working on a thesis about the shared poetry in gender performance, and always, he is listening for birds. Instagram: j.rzepiejewski
Image by Cottonbro Studios courtesy of Pexels
*This essay originally appeared in the Beautiful Things series on March 16, 2026.

































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































So relatable and so true. My favorite images were the peaches. The mental gymnastics were so hope filled and familiar
“I don’t feel like peeling new skin, confronting the bruise.” Wow. I’m obsessed with the movement and imagery in this piece. Bravo!
Oh, my goodness. Your “slower” words are just exactly right.
Quite evocative! Well done. Thanks for sharing.
Such a visceral piece of writing. You take the reader on your journey of mania. Your descriptions of what it’s like are indelible. I love how you contrast your roller coaster mania with the calm aftermath of shooting pool and eating peaches. Thank you for your vulnerability, strength and hope.
Starkly beautiful. Thank you!
Every word is so beautifully poised on the edge. I’ll be thinking of this the rest of the day. Thank you.
Wow. Really amazing use of language. I feel energized too!
Love, love, love this