By Jo Rzepiejewski
I played a lot of pool. I had near-constant epiphanies. Colors melted in my mouth and I ran in the dark. I understood what sleep meant, but I didn’t know how to use it in a sentence. I cried like I had no choice. I had no choice. I shot balls into pockets, and often missed.
It feels rotten to say mania was occasionally fun. My brain was an amusement park screaming and screaming and screaming, but I’ve always loved rollercoasters. Here it comes. Here we go! I was looming. Imagine cognition as rockslide. I gave myself over to sensation with pleasure and terror.
Summer stretched—rolled her sun-kissed neck lazily into August, just like always. I can’t untangle the mental hospital sheets for you yet. I can tell you I came back to the pool table in August. I took deep breaths. I measured angles. I compared the weight of various sticks.
I’m growing up and it’s alright. I mostly eat sliced peaches, and try to imagine the last time I could see the gnarled pit. Most days I feel like I could eat a hundred cans of sliced peaches. I don’t feel like peeling new skin, confronting the bruise.
I don’t know if that’s true. I can stare at the wound till it tears me a new one. But I’m trying to be better about that. I’m playing pool again.
The words come a little slower now.
Bruised flesh just makes peaches sweeter. Joy drips from my chin, overripe.
Jo Rzepiejewski (they/he) is a poet, essayist, and master’s student at Ball State University. They are currently working on a thesis about the shared poetry in gender performance, and always, he is listening for birds. Instagram: j.rzepiejewski
Image by Cottonbro Studios courtesy of Pexels





































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Beautiful and powerful.
Wow. Phenomenally written. So powerful.
“I can stare at the wound til it tears me a new one.”
I just love this and how it captures the confusion and turbulence of cognitive dissonance. Awareness in disguise. A gnarled peach pit will always remind me of this piece.
Exquisite relation of mania.
Love your writing style!
The pacing of this piece is a beautiful thing.
well put Jo. lots of beautiful imagery. i hope all is well 💛
Jo is clearly a poet. This is beautiful. I also love that Jo is a grad student at BSU where I received my degrees.
This is stunning. So many vivid uncanny images, all piling up, cycling and jolting. I want to know everything. Thank you for sharing this.
Captured the experience of mania exquisitely.
You have such amazing talent, you’re a wonder!