By Elizabeth Kleinfeld
I learned to open his left hand like a lotus flower, working each finger loose, stretching tendons, reminding his brain that this hand belonged to him.
The stroke had turned his left hand into a permanent fist, fingers curled tight as a newborn’s. Every morning I’d warm it up first, cupping his balled-up hand in both of mine, waiting for the muscles to soften. Then the careful work: thumb first, easing it away from his palm. Index finger next, then the middle, the ring, the pinky. Each one resisting, then yielding.
He would gaze at me while I did this work, silent, but I could feel his gratitude. His eyes would follow my fingers as they coaxed his open.
The hand that had gripped mine through those long hospital days right after the stroke—twelve-hour visits passing with him seemingly sleeping and me just holding on. His hand, always larger than mine, and swollen with edema now, but still unmistakably his.
After the stretches, I’d massage lotion into his palm, tracing the lines there—lifeline, heartline, all the futures we’d imagined before his brain forgot how to tell this hand to open. We still had a future. It just looked like this now: my hands opening his, petal by petal, every morning.
Elizabeth Kleinfeld is a writer, professor, and end-of-life doula living in Denver, Colorado. Her work has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize and she was named a best emerging writer by Masters Review. She blogs about grief and disability at https://elizabethkleinfeld.
Image by King Ho courtesy of Pexels

































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Beautiful essay and love the analogy to opening up the hand to a lotus flower, petal by petal. The way in which you describe the process is not a process but a loving act of care and connection. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for your comment and for reading
Oh, the images here are touching indeed. Thank you for allowing us in to this intimate moment. Miss you!
Neva! How wonderful to see your name and comment here! Thank you for reading!
Lovely, Elizabeth!
Thank you!
Beautiful. Demonstrating love through the smallest of tasks.
Yes, I think love is always truly demonstrated through the tiny things.
So beautifully captures the intrusion of disease and how we choose to see the person we love.
Lovely.
Lovely
exquisite. thank you.
“Left hand like a lotus flower.” “Petal by petal, every morning.” Thank you for this beautiful, tender thing.
Amazingly complete and beautiful
This gorgeous piece brought me to tears of simultaneous sorrow and beauty. Your last paragraph is stunning. Thank you for sharing this work of art – which I plan to share far and wide!
Thank you for this—it’s a beauty.
The giving of love and support so beautifully expressed.
Beautiful essay. Relatable topic of caring for a loved one.
Always beautiful work Elizabeth. I follow you to learn how to carry grief and how to write eloquently about it’s relationship to us.
The love in this so gently evident. Beautiful, thankyou – a treasure for so many committed to this kind of daily care.
A gorgeous piece with lovely language describing the unfolding of his hand like a lotus flower, petal by petal. The loving touch and care are present throughout, as the essay unfolds gently like the hand. Such warmth and poignance spoke powerfully to my heart.
Such love in this. And hope – despite the change in circumstance.
So very beautiful. . .I feel the love in this.
This piece made me reflect on finding positivity after sudden illness and on how the smallest moments can feel deeply intimate. Thank you for writing it.
This piece is a heartbreaking yet exquisite testament to the faithful love in this relationship. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable moment with such mastery.
“…it just looked like this now.” Stunning visuals. Thank you.