By Karen Skalitzky
I go back to that fateful day in mid-September. Was the morning air swollen with heat? Did you slip through the hospital doors unnoticed? Or did you duck behind the cracked banana leaves, watching, waiting, agonizing as your baby boy slept on your chest, his warmth rising and falling with your breath?
You do not know me. We have not met, and yet we are bound. A single sentence in his dossier says you handed him to an adult and disappeared. My son—your son—does not have a birth certificate. He has a certificate of abandonment. The weight of that word flattens the story arc, stripping away the contradictions of love and loss. Your grief is now my deepest joy. Bittersweet, unfair, redemptive. The plot lines are endless.
A part of me wants to yell: Stop. No mother should have to make this decision. But we already know life does not adhere to any kind of should. So if I could, I would whisper in your ear: He will be loved. At 4, he’ll be known for his “big foot” and innate soccer talent. In 4th grade, he’ll win a chess tournament. At 13, he will wake up early all summer long to walk the neighbor’s dog, along with our own, because our neighbor had a stroke.
And yes, he will ask about you. Why? Are you really out there? And I will tell him the truth: We do not know. But most stories bend toward resolution, toward love.
Karen Skalitzky is a writer and a mom. She currently serves as a communications director for an international nonprofit. Her writing has appeared in Motherwell, RAISE, HerStry, Minerva Rising Press, and U.S. Catholic. She lives in Chicago with her son. They both love swimming in the ocean, eating apple crisp, and reading good books.
Image by Kseniya Budko courtesy of Pexels
Absolutely beautiful
So heart-wrenching and lovely.
I love this essay so much!
The story, when I could read it was lovely and struck a chord as I too, am an adoptive parent. However, the font on your stories is simply TOO SMALL. Try reading it from computer distance without enlarging. Very difficult. This has bothered me ever since you changed your format. Am I the only one who thinks so?
Karen, this is breathtakingly beautiful. I hope your son has seen it.
Gorgeous.
Tears-but the brimming slow to form and drop ones. Thank you mothers.
Beautiful, gut wrenching, moving . . . I love this piece so much.
This piece. Transformational.
This moved me to tears. Thank you Karen for sharing this beautiful and bittersweet vignette of love and pain <3
So beautiful!