By Amy Monticello
Mothers and Other Fictional Characters by Nicole Graev Lipson
What makes Nicole Graev Lipson’s debut memoir-in-essays Mothers and Other Fictional Characters (Chronicle Prism) so alluring is that it feels like a transgressive read. This isn’t because its narrator—a wife and mother of three, a former English teacher, happily married, deeply in love with her children—once contemplated an affair with a younger man, or admits her fervent desire for solitude, or struggles with herself over aging and beauty standards, though she does all of these things in clear-eyed yet mellifluous prose that makes these experiences fresh again.
No, what truly titillates is Lipson’s mind—the intellectual triple axels of her quest to find and free herself from the packaged plots of womanhood. As she unwinds the sometimes gossamer threads those plots weave through her life, Lipson reveals how even rigorous feminism strains against the stories that bind us, from an early age, to the roles women are meant to play on the stage of life. Her essays offer the mental equivalent of those pole-dancing-as-fitness-class videos I watch on Instagram: they are elegant, supremely athletic, airborne in their insights.
Lipson’s incisive mind can’t help outmaneuvering even a well-meaning therapist who applies the old my mom messed me up tale to Lipson’s depression as a young adult. “A Place, or a State of Affairs” references the time Lipson’s mother sent her to her room for a whole day over a small offense, which the therapist mused was a potential source of trauma. Lipson retrospectively questions this theory as a mother herself: “When my mother sent me to my room from morning to dusk—something she had never done before and never again would do—why had that day unfolded, for her, and so for me, in the particular way it did? This is the question that interests me now.” Lipson knows those easy stories of women, of mothers and daughters, erase too much of one another to satisfy her.
Even Lipson’s abundant love—for her parents, her husband Paul, her children, her friends—begets inquiries into its expression and often its built-in pain. Consider her breakdown of why being a perfect mother is unattainable yet imbued with the most urgent necessity:
The mother ideal, I’ve come to believe, is uniquely insidious, because what we feel to be at stake is so precious to us, and so at the mercy of our choices. For me, falling short of this ideal meant failing not just myself but the vulnerable human whose flourishing, I’d been led to believe, was exquisitely calibrated to my every move (126).
In “The Friendship Plot,” Lipson chronicles her decades-long friendship with Sara, Lipson’s former co-teacher. While out to dinner with their spouses, Lipson notices how she and Sara focus on one another, conversing “like two plucked guitar strings, all vibration and reverb.” She posits that such harmonizing between women may be rooted in mutual fascination. “Maybe we discover, in those who transfix us, clues to the person we’re aching to become,” she says.
In “Tikkun Olam Ted,” originally published here in River Teeth, Lipson tries to bond with her son at his Hebrew school service day. The events of the day and Lipson’s response to her son’s sullen behavior undergird a stunning meditation on the Jewish idea of tikkun olam (“repairing the world”): “As a Jew, I am not charged with regular repentance…My main task is to enter each moment looking for the good choice to make, the generous action to take, gathering whatever scattered sparks I see.” Her children’s “sparks are everywhere. The more I train my eyes to see them, the harder it becomes to lose sight of their light.” Lipson illustrates how mothers, like the God who created the imperfect world we live in, “pull back and allow” the people we have made to fill its fractures with their unique light.
And in “Thinkers Who Mother,” one of the collection’s strongest essays, Lipson revisits the tiresome weeks of bed rest she endured in her first pregnancy. Here, following doctor’s orders means leaving her job chairing the English department at her school. Lipson does so, willingly and immediately, for whatever potential it offers to save her pregnancy. But as the weeks pass, Lipson digs into the research and learns there’s no medical evidence that bed rest prevents pre-term labor. “Such a prescription could only exist in a world where complex and whole women are generally not the goal, and where smaller-scale attacks on mothers’ humanity are commonplace,” she writes. (Lipson carried her pregnancy to term and beyond).
Then there’s the “fictional characters” part of the memoir’s title. In Western culture, motherhood is idealized to the point of myth, but Western literature
complicates those myths. Lipson was no doubt the kind of English teacher I would have worshipped as a teen. She would have had me running around speaking in iambic pentameter and quoting Adrienne Rich at Sunday family dinner. But these literary references are not merely decorative; Lipson elevates the hard-won wisdom of personal experience with rigorous engagement with the texts that have shaped her feminism, teaching, and mothering.
“Kate Chopin, My Mother, and Me,” the book’s opening essay, situates Lipson’s mother’s long-ago affair that ended her parents’ marriage against Chopin’s story “The Storm.” Chopin’s protagonist, Calixta, a housewife, has steamy, stormy sex with Alcee, a man from her past who takes refuge from the rain at her house while her husband and son wait out the weather at a local store. Everyone returns home safe and sound, and most importantly, to no sign of Calixta’s affair, especially not in her behavior, which is “lighter, more at ease,” according to Lipson. At first, the story suggests Calixta’s affair was a net good—she seems to emerge from it more committed to her family. But the story’s ending suggests this one-time thing won’t really be a one-time thing—more betrayal will happen. “The Storm” provides a lens through to view Lipson’s mother’s affair, arriving at this set of exquisite paradoxes:
My mother has been a bold pioneer, rebelling against the expectations of her generation. She’s been a coward, too fearful to directly voice her needs. She’s been selfless, quietly bearing unhappiness to avoid divorce. And she has been monstrously selfish, stoking her desires while the flames licked at her family’s heels.
My father has been an innocent victim. A guilty accomplice. A pillar of righteousness. A villain, bent on revenge.
Every time I open the book, the story changes. Its moral spins and shifts before my eyes (31).
But it’s in “As They Like It” that Lipson’s encyclopedic knowledge of the Western canon—particularly its dramas—pulls off some of the book’s most impressive acrobatics. Organized into five “acts” that mimic the Shakespearean comedy, the essay vacillates between Lipson’s love of Shakespeare’s Rosalind, who discovers the perks of being male in her costume as Ganymede, and Lipson’s navigation of her oldest daughter’s gender fluidity.
“As They Like It” was reprinted in Best American Essays 2024, not only for its structural daring but the courage of its questions. Lipson cites research about trans youth clinics where more patients are transitioning from female to male than the other way around. “One thing I think about as I read…is the difference between what it means to live as man and to live as woman—a difference that, since 2016, has only become grimmer for women,” Lipson writes. This is an important point, and Lipson, who fully supports trans rights and whose daughter has not yet asked to change her pronouns or start hormone treatments, expertly threads a needle between living her progressive Bostonian bona fides and questioning how our kids absorb and reflect the culture around them. The essay reminded me of when my daughter came home from school asking for a therapist because so many of her friends had one. On one hand, thank god our kids are normalizing things like therapy and embracing the notion of gender as a construct. On the other, how do we, as parents, know when to act on behalf of their well-being and when to simply enter their own forests of Arden, letting them lead the way?
For this essay and so many others in this dazzling debut, Mothers and Other Fictional Characters sets itself apart from any niche list of motherhood memoirs. Lipson’s subject matter may be familiar, but I promise you’ve read nothing like this before. In one of the book’s final essays, Lipson interrogates what it means to be a MILF (and of course also questions her desire to be one). But the essays that comprise this book are cognitively electric, intellectually graceful, and sexy as hell.
Chronicle Prism
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Amy Monticello is the author of Close Quarters, a chapbook memoir about unconventional divorce (Sweet Publications), and the essay collection How to Euthanize a Horse, which won the 2016 Arcadia Press Chapbook Prize in Nonfiction. Her work has been published or is forthcoming in the North American Review, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Creative Nonfiction, Brevity, under the gum tree, The Iron Horse Literary Review, Hotel Amerika, CALYX, The Rumpus, and Assay: A Journal of Nonfiction Studies; featured on Salon, The Establishment, Everyday Feminism, Quiet Revolution, and other popular websites; anthologized in Going Om: Real-Life Stories On and Off the Yoga Mat; and listed as notable in Best American Essays. She is also co-author, along with husband Jason Tucker, of The Routledge Introduction to American Life Writing (2023), part of Routledge’s Introduction to American Literature series.