By Rachel Lutwick-Deaner
Light Falls on Everything: A Daughter’s Memoir of Caregiving, Grief, and Possibility by Rebecca McClanahan
There is no shortage of guides for caregivers. A cursory search of Amazon reveals 152 books that are categorized as guides for caring for aging parents. A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents—And Ourselves by Jane Gross is both memoir and guide as is Holding the Net: Caring for My Mother on the Tightrope of Aging by Melanie Merriman. Unlike the aforementioned, Rebecca McClanahan’s tender memoir-in-essays, Light Falls on Everything (UNC Press, 2026) does not aim to provide a guide for caring for aging parents. Instead, the author shares with readers her own uncertainty, heartbreak, and devotion as she accompanies her parents, Juanita and Paul McClanahan, through their final years.
Light Falls on Everything is a book that begs to be read slowly. Firstly, the progress of dementia, from which McClanahan’s mother, Juanita, suffers is slow itself, and painful. Additionally, McClanahan’s experience of ushering her parents through the end of their lives is rife with grief commensurate in weight to her love and devotion. For instance, McClanahan keeps a pile of emergency clothes to throw on at her bedside in anticipation of the calls that she often receives in the darkest hours: her mother hysterical that there’s a strange man in the house (it’s her husband, Paul). Or the news that her father, a former US Marine airman, has suffered another stroke or taken a fall. A reader wants to take these events at a leisurely pace.
The book is structured into three parts. The first chronicles McClanahan’s parents’ time in the condo two doors down. Their health is brittle, psyche fragile, but they maintain a rhythm. This includes Saturday “Date Nights,” in which McClanahan helps her mother get dressed, does her hair, helps with jewelry, before they enjoy a family dinner. Familiar stories, songs. It’s difficult, but the caregiving work feels grounding, like a gift. Part two is marked by a swifter decline. Rebecca and her husband Donald experience more stress, heartache. By the end of the section, Paul has died. Part three encompasses more time. While the first two parts seem almost real time, in this last section, more than two years pass. Juanita has moved out of the condo and has been living with another daughter. However, she is eventually moved to long term care, where she lives another fourteen months before her death.
McClanahan’s clear and honest prose sheds light on the anguish of the process of losing a beloved parent. In one scene, Juanita laments her aging, and feels that it would be better that she should die. McClanahan reacts immediately,
I hurried to the sofa and held her close, holding her close, my tears wetting her nightgown. “Mother, don’t say that. We love you so much, we want you here, we need you.” My head was on her shoulder now, and the tears wouldn’t stop–where had they come from, where had they been? Then she was patting my shoulder, my back, a rhythm so familiar I could feel the years falling away and there she was again, the mother I’d lost, but she wasn’t lost, she was here. The darkness swiftly passed over us, passed through. (144)
McClanahan has the ability to think about these painful moments through so many lenses. In another scene, Juanita thinks a nightgown that Rebecca bought her was made by her own long-dead mother. McClanahan remarks of Juanita, “Her mother is alive in this moment; she is her mother’s child. Then who am I? If mother is the child, I have yet to be born. The years stretch ahead of us–no past, only future. Anything is possible” (198). Rather than feeling rejected or erased, McClanahan is hopeful.
The author is generous in her depiction of her father, Paul, as well. While frail, he is not struggling with dementia; he sees his aging with a perspective that is equally heartbreaking to Juanita’s fading away. In one scene, Paul reminisces about past family road trips, but when Rebecca suggests they drive down Route 66 just one more time, he declines. Paul remarks, “You don’t understand, Sis…I want it to be then, now” (151). What a privilege to be able to look back with such fondness.
Suggesting this book to others may be met with resistance. People don’t want to read about pain, discomfort, confusion. However, there is a beauty and clarity in sharing McClanahan’s process. She often notes how her mother wants to “be of use,” and she muses that caring for her parents is her own way to “be of use”—to return the love and attention her parents provided her and her five siblings through their childhoods.
It feels fresh, unusual even, to read a memoir in which the writer has had a lovely childhood, raised by stable devoted parents who maintained healthy and supportive relationships with their adult children. Light Falls on Everything is an antidote to the popularity of dysfunctional family narratives and an argument against Tolstoy’s famous line Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. The McClanahans are happy in their own way, and we are lucky to read this book and bear witness to that joy, and the grief that inevitably follows.
Rachel Lutwick-Deaner enjoys a bookish life. She has earned degrees from Colgate University, North Carolina State University, and Queens University of Charlotte. Currently, Rachel teaches writing and literature at Grand Rapids Community College. Rachel’s recent publications can be found at Streetlight Magazine and The Helix Magazine. Rachel’s essay “Nursing Mother” was selected for the 2024 Story Sanctum Editors’ Choice Award for Best Nonfiction. You can find her on Instagram @professor.ld.














































































































































