By Miriam Mandel Levi
My father does not hug or kiss me, has never said he loves me, or that he’s proud I’m his. He gives me money. “Here, this’ll help with those roof repairs,” but looks bored when I tell him anything. At the end of a phone conversation, he’ll say, “Well, that was productive,” if it was.
Over the years, he’s bought me glasses for driving in the rain, a tire-pressure gauge, and a smoke alarm. He told me to remove the window security bars upstairs—how would I escape if there was a fire? He waged a relentless campaign when he heard I was buying a Mazda 2. “It’s a tin can,” he railed. Recently, he told me to stop calling daily because, when I miss a day, he worries.
When we cross the street together, he steps off the curb to survey the traffic. At ninety-two, he is hunched but sinewy and strong. When the way is clear, he grabs my hand and lurches ahead pulling me behind him. His strides are so long, I trot to keep up. “Dad, I’m sixty-five,” I say. But when I try to break loose, his boney fingers cinch around mine.
Back home, he points to a picture of me, aged three, sitting cross-legged in a tartan dress with a gigantic white bow in my hair.
“See that?” he says. “That’s you. That’ll always be you.”
Miriam Mandel Levi’s work has appeared in Creative Nonfiction’s anthology “Same Time Next Week,” Brain, Child, Literary Mama, Under the Sun, Poetica, bioStories, Sleet, Tablet, Blue Lyra, Chautauqua, Random Sample, Sky Island, JMWW, MoonPark, Sunlight Press, Persimmon Tree, Flash Frog, Forge, and is pending in Under the Gum Tree. Her work has been nominated for Best of the Net and the Pushcart Prize. She lives in Israel and is an editor at Under the Sun.
Image by Dan Dennis courtesy of Unsplash
This is so beautiful. Such vivid details. Your last two lines brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing
Thank you, Hanna!
Really a perfect piece of writing. So glad to read this.
Thanks, Judy!
I enjoyed reading this. It reminds me of when I turned 21 and my grandmother held my face and said “No matter how old you get, you will always be the baby I held in my arms.” We are always our parents’ kids, no matter how old we get.
True indeed.
What an exquisite piece. You pulled me in from the first line, and then with the last line I almost cried. What a tender memory.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, Colleen.
This is a really beautiful piece, Miriam. You captured the essence of a father’s love that often goes unspoken but is ever-present in the little things he does. The final scene with the childhood photograph is very moving, reminding us that, in our parents’ eyes, we are forever their cherished little ones!
Thank you so much, Shelley!
This was a beautiful story, that displays father-daughter love shown through actions. How father’s still think and treat their daughters like little girls at any age.
I relate to your piece I have struggled in my relationship with my father and often wonder if he loves me because it is not clearly communicated to me. I don’t receive words of affirmation often or at all until the recent year. I think my father struggled to connect with me as a child since he struggled to connect with his own father as a child. I have hope for our future and for our relationship to grow, and do now he still sees me as his precious little girl in those old photos in the living room:) Thank you for your post.
This is beautiful. There are many ways to express love and parents never stop trying to protect their kids