By Lina Lau
My kids leave artifacts, fragments of themselves for me to find. Crumpled cheese stick wrappers shoved between couch cushions. Stained unicorn and rainbow t-shirts tossed beside the laundry hamper. Sandy socks thrust into my pockets at the park. I gather these clues and arrange them. Study them. Hints about their days.
My littlest starts kindergarten and I excavate creations from her bag: red and green buttons taped together in the shape of a Christmas tree, papers with scribbled hearts and lopsided letters. Her artifacts I can pick up, turn over in my hands. I ask her about them, and she squiggles and sways, dancing and bursting to tell me.
My older daughter’s artifacts are less tangible. More hazy. Whispers in the dark before bed. Giggles about crushes, questions about puberty. Sometimes, with tears: “Why are my friends mean to me?” So quiet I need to lean closer to hear. Even in the dimness, her lips pout, her worry shows. These fragments are more fragile. Signals of her sadness and fears. Concerns she’s still willing to share with me about hardships I’m desperate to shield her from. I know now these pieces of who she is will keep evolving as she gets older. Become more elusive. So, I listen. I handle these artifacts as little as possible. I gather them gently. Observe. Draw the fragments to me. Wipe away debris. I whisper back to them, hoping not to lose them, hoping they won’t ever disappear.
Lina Lau is a green tea drinker from Toronto, Canada, who works in the field of school psychology during the day. Her creative nonfiction can be found in Hippocampus Magazine, XRAY Literary Magazine, The Citron Review, Reckon Review, and others. She owns too many notebooks and writes during the in-between moments of motherhood.
Image by Halyna Romaniv courtesy of iStock
There is so much beauty in these artifacts. Keep excavating.
Lina, what a tender, evocative piece of writing. As the mother of three now grown daughters, I was moved deeply as I read, conjuring my own memories of similar moments that now seem like a lifetime ago..
Hi Lina, I love your use of the word artifact in this piece which evoked in me that awareness of the passing of time and the tender objectivity and holding of ordinary and sometimes heartbreaking moments. Thank you. Janet
What a beautiful piece, full of life with your children and of savoring of them amid life’s bustle.
What a tender, gorgeous piece that connects fragments of everyday moments to the biggest, hardest, most beautiful themes of parenting. Stunning! Thank you for sharing.
So beautiful it bring tears to me. I’ll read it again and again b
Gorgeous moments captured. Lovely writing.
Lovely. Capturing the too swift times of childhood.
Straight to the heart! Lovely work.
Lovely piece. Well done.
Oh, brilliant. I particularly love this line: “I handle these artifacts as little as possible.” Two pictures instantly leap to mind: you with the fragments your older daughter has left around, a museum curator barely touching artifacts so delicate they could break in a second. It brings the whole piece (and its metaphor) together for me. Thank you.
“I whisper back to them, hoping not to lose them” such a touching essay – stirring memories that seem a lifetime ago.