By Ella Mei Yon Harris
My Chinese family revered our ghosts. We made altars, gave offerings, and publicly denounced accomplishments, inherited or earned, to make sure the ghosts passed us by. If you allowed anyone you loved to be seen by the ghosts, you provoked the dead and invited misfortune. To make others and yourself invisible, was to love.
When my brothers and I were young, strangers used to tell my mother how brilliant, agile, or beautiful we were. This terrified her.
“No he’s really quite dumb,” she’d say. “He’s really quite clumsy.” “She’s not beautiful at all,” she’d say. “She has the white devil face of her father.”
Americans would look at her with shock in their eyes. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” they would say and walk away or change the subject. They didn’t know how these things work. They were supposed to insist on the merit of her children’s good qualities and allow my mother to continue to negate them. This back and forth would tire the ghosts and keep her children safe. Saying and unsaying, saying and unsaying.
Ella Mei Yon is a first generation American, Chinese-Nicaraguan-English writer. Her writing has appeared in Glimmer Train, Five Minute Lit, Pigeon Pages, and more. She has an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh in Scotland. www.ellameiyon.com.
Image by 4Max courtesy of Adobe Stock
This is so beautiful, thank you
Ella, this is a beautiful piece…and gives me a whole new perspective on my Dad, and his ability to offer praise and recognition in private, but be quick to downplay when these same characteristics in public…much to my shock and confusion. The gift you have given me is to recognize this as an act of love! (Hopefully the family ghosts aren’t reading this 😉)
Wow, that’s wonderful. And I get it, ghosties. Saying and unsaying things tuckers me out, too.
Thank you for sharing such a precious story. I never knew that. I was aware of the modesty but did not fully understand.
This is so lovely and insightful. I think many cultures have this belief that not being humble will invite misfortune.
Really great read. I’ve heard of this Chinese belief and your short essay really brought it to life.
Gorgeous! Thank you for sharing it.