By Kathryn Wilder
October light leaks between slats of graying barn wood. A yellow stripe marks Craig’s cheek, his shoulder. I taste salt and smell sun on skin and in the hay beneath me that makes our bed in the neighbor’s old hay barn, a place we run to in daylight. We have other places for the night when it’s colder, a bunkhouse already shut up for the winter but not locked. I hear his brothers near the house on the hill where I live with his logging family while I finish high school; they’re roaming the afternoon like the wind in the ponderosas I love like this boy, this man, whose skin touches mine. We think we’re hidden but the wind slips between the long needles of those big trees, slips between hundred-year-old planks of even older trees, and I feel a chill as the boy-man-child slips into me. I watch the yellow light on his cheek on his shoulder move like our hearts like our bodies like the day through October and all I know is this moment, this breath, his skin, my depth; I don’t know, can’t possibly guess, that two Octobers from now he will fall beneath a falling ponderosa, a tree destined to become wood that instead becomes death. That in a daze of drugs I will leave behind the light through the cracks in the barn on his shoulder on his cheek in October and the mountains and rivers and all I have known up till then.
Kathryn Wilder’s essays have appeared in such publications as River Teeth, Fourth Genre, Southern Indiana Review, High Country News, Sierra, and many Hawai`i magazines. A 2017 graduate of the low-rez MFA program at the Institute of American Indian Arts, she lives among mustangs on the Colorado Plateau, where she and her family raise Criollo cattle. All their cows are named.
Photo by RODNAE Productions via Pexels
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