By Alyssa Lindley Sinclair
C- Section; noun; 1) The lights are on bright, the room freezer-cold and strangers wheel you in on a hospital bed, helpless and naked beneath a thin cotton gown, and they stick a needle in your back and you start shaking, from the drugs, cold or panic, who knows, and they lift you from one bed to another on the count of three, slither something through the shining needle in your arm and there is a loud whirring sound, a smell of burning as they cut through skin, your muscles, but (hopefully) not the head of your baby—for that they pull and they twist and POP, out comes a head, and if you’re lucky the baby cries, and is taken away to be measured and weighed and ready for somebody else to hold, as the gloved hands push HARD everything back inside, take-your-breath-away hard, terror-hard, and a doctor dictates to another learning-to-be-a-doctor how to stitch up your stomach correctly—and then makes small talk while your insides splay out, numbed out of panic, so very alone after nine months together.
Verb; 2) There is a different kind of silence as the baby is brought back to life, coaxed to breathe, rushed out of the room, a stillness enters that part of you standing open. It is hard to remember what comes next.
Alyssa Lindley Sinclair completed her Master’s degree in Creative Writing at the University of St. Andrews, where she also earned an undergraduate degree in Art History. She grew up in the Boston area, and currently lives in Dallas, Texas. She is the mother to three young girls. Her poetry and essays have been featured by Mutha Magazine, Literary Mama, The Hyacinth Review, Blueline Magazine, Fiction Attic Press, Slate.com, and Milk Press, among others. Her first chapbook of poetry, Venus Anadyomene, is forthcoming with Finishing Line Press.
Image by Piron Guillaume courtesy of Unsplash
I had my first C-Section in 2007 and I felt every word of this piece in my bones.
sacred memories
hope the children delight and all the other
The piece carried me back to all I had forgotten. Simple and unassuming.