By Sanobar Sabah
Passionate red and sensuous saffron were my mother’s favorite colors. Inspired by the Bollywood queen of yesteryear, Rekha, my mother’s wardrobe was laden with glamorous chiffon sarees and handmade embroidered blouses from all over India. Dark kohl and maroon lipstick—a classic Indian fashion statement of the ‘70s—accentuated her caramel skin and fuller lips.
Playing the harmonium and singing ghazals, my mother was the life of parties—as a child and as an adult. Over a decade older, my father was never fond of her scintillating hues. Defiant, she embraced her choices anyway, flaunting a personality that was impossible to ignore.
So when my newly widowed mother recently came from Mumbai to Abu-Dhabi to visit us, I felt jolted to witness the mere echo of her former self. It wasn’t just the absence of colors and lipstick. As a woman in my 40s, I found the purposeful dimming down of her radiance since my father’s demise quite perplexing. Cultural norms and age-old traditions demand a widow to fade into oblivion, becoming a shadow of the memories of her husband.
Watching her 11-year-old granddaughter get ready to go to school, my mother compliments my cheerful daughter, “I love your hairstyle, Aleena.”
Owning the compliment, vivacious Aleena declares, “I know, right? I love it too!”
Smiling, my mother turns to face me. “She’s exactly how I was when I was young.”
I know.
Unshakeable. Unapologetic.
Crossing my fingers, my grieving heart whispers a little prayer, “May we live until we die.”
A budding writer, Sanobar Sabah is an Indian Muslim residing in the UAE for three generations now. After a long search for identity, Sanobar has finally discovered that her home lies in the wits and charms of her two children, her squabbles with her husband, the company of her snobbish rescue cats, and, most importantly—in her writings. Recent work has appeared in Newsweek, Memoir Land, Ochre Sky Stories, FemAsia, and Journal D’Ambroisie.
Image by Denis Vostrikov courtesy of iStock
So vivid. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Sanobar.
I think of my own mother, refusing to dim down even at 78, bought a red car days after my father’s death. Only 4 years older than I am now. Live until you die, this is a beautiful piece.
How inspiring! May we all live like your mother did in refusing to dim down herself. Thank you for stopping by and for appreciating.
This piece is so close to my heart – thank you for reading and appreciating it.
This piece is so close to my heart – thank you for reading and appreciating it.
So moving Sanobar! A universe of emotions in this micro essay. Thank you for writing this ❤️
Your mom sounds much like my 85-year-old mother currently in the intensive care unit. It is difficult to watch their light fade. Thank you for sharing.
Sanobar, this is so beautiful ❤️. I saw this play out like a song, in my mind’s eye. Every line, a scene, a shot, a framework, made beautiful with your loving words. Thank you for writing this.
Sanobar,Such a vivid memory!We all should do it!Colour is the essence of life.Thankyou for sharing♥️
Gorgeous and absolutely inspiring to in fact, “…live until we die.”
Amen! And thank you 🙂
I loved your piece; I can relate so it really resonated. thank you.
You captured this so beautifully. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing such a rich vision of your mother.
Thank you, I wanted her to know how her own girl sees her – that she is in fact so beautiful!
The last line goes down in my journal! Perhaps I will even embroidery it. Sanobar a bright red salute to your mother. And a warm hug to you.
Such intricate weaving of stories across generations , Sanobar !! And yes “May we live until we die!”