By Hanna Saltzman
My two-month-old wiggles on his tummy on a brightly striped blanket in our little urban backyard, trying to hold his head high while the weight of his rapidly growing brain pulls him to the ground. He is suspended in tension. His eyes are shimmering lakes of grays and blues, absorbing all that he sees above: chipped paint the color of clouds, an arcing sparrow, summer sunlight dancing the polka on leaves of ivy draped across his sky. His weight pulls him down, while his awe pulls him up. Wonder spreads his eyelids, white crescents curving above his irises, newborn moons that magnetize the tides of me. He sees without the constraints of words, without the grief of thinking of what once was or what might become, without the heaviness of meaning.
He finds my eyes, which are pulled by the awe of him. He searches into me as I search into him, in this rare time in life where two people can stare indefinitely at one another with absolutely no self-consciousness, without having to make an excuse for why we want to look. We look and look at each other until his aching neck eventually drifts to the earth, his eyes forced to follow. Rest, I tell him silently, these words I try to tell myself: Rest on this beautiful earth, and do not fear, the sky will be here when you have the strength to look up again.
Hanna Saltzman lives with her baby and husband in Salt Lake City where she works as a pediatric resident physician. You can read more of her writing at www.hannasaltzman.com.
Image by Mariam Antadze courtesy of Pexels
*This essay originally appeared in the Beautiful Things series on April 24, 2023
Hanna,
How beautiful! I look forward to checking out your web site. I. too, am a physician writer- a family physician in her 37th year of practice.
Maureen
AWW
AWE
Beautiful!
This is indeed, a beautiful thing and stopped me cold on the first reading. I still have goosebumps! Thank you for this; it’s an exceptional piece of writing on so many levels.
Truly a beautiful thing. Very poetic. Thanks for the pleasure.
Stunning piece of writing.
Once in a lifetime do you have these pleasures, or multiple times with other infants.
…in this rare time in life where two people can stare indefinitely at one another with absolutely no self-consciousness, without having to make an excuse for why we want to look.
Wow.
This Beautiful Thing moves me to awe. Thank you.
So beautifully written. Eloquently describes the fine tunings of noticing and being able to put those noticings into words. I especially like, ” His weight pulls him down, while his awe pulls him up. “
Lovely writing. I especially liked:
“His weight pulls him down, while his awe pulls him up.”
Your writing brought me back to such moments (even though my son is now twenty!)
“His weight pulls him down, while his awe pulls him up.” How beautiful and how still true for all of us.