By Marian Rogers
In a dream, my mother and I are in a small boat with a mast but no sail. We run aground on a beach—a pastel place, pale sand, rose sky, a faint blue sea behind us. I must lift my mother onto shore. She is small, wooden, like the boat. Her face sculpted, silent. Her body thin, skin over bones. Her arms extend out to the side at shoulder height. The shape of a cross. To carry her, I position my arms under hers, crisscross. Off the boat, we take a few steps. Then she disappears.
When my daughter and I arrive at the continuing care community, we find my mother in a wheelchair in front of the television. For the first time she doesn’t know who we are. My daughter pushes the wheelchair down the hall, leaning in to whisper in her grandmother’s ear. I walk backwards ahead of them, smiling, talking. My mother points at me. “Follow her,” she tells my daughter. These are the last words I ever hear her say.
After my mother is gone, I share the dream. How I brought her to shore, her arms outstretched. “Like this,” I say, demonstrating. “Like the Christ above Rio de Janeiro.” I don’t know what to make of this. I’ve never been there. “You can see the statue wherever you are in Rio,” someone says. “It’s how people get their bearings, find their way.”
Marian Rogers is a writer and editor in Ithaca, NY. Her work has appeared in The Fourth River: Tributaries, Hippocampus Magazine, and Brevity’s Nonfiction Blog.
Image by Athena courtesy of Pexels
Beautifully sketched. Thank you for sharing. It reminded me of walks through a nursing home with my Father in law. I was three different people up on introduction by him, Not long after those walks I rather missed him talking.
Thank you, Deborah, for your kind words and for sharing your own experience with your father-in-law.
This is exquisite. I could feel my ancestors in my arms , always there. Thankyou Marian.
Thank you, Nina. Your response means so much to me.
Absolutely gorgeous imagery and writing. Bless you for sharing.
Thank you for reading, Linda, and your kind words.
What a beautiful moment to wake to and read on the morning of the eclipse reminding us of the mystery and awe of life. Thank you Marian. So incredibly lovely.
Thank you always, Janice. The timing on the day of the eclipse was a surprise. Also the day after my daughter’s birthday and the week of what would have been my mother’s 95th. It all comes together.
Absolutely lovely! It took my breath away. Reminded me of my visits with my mother in the nursing home as she closed down.
Norah, thank you for your kind response and for sharing your experience visiting your own mother.
Thank you for this beautiful piece. The details bring the dream alive. The mother is palpable. The moments you illustrated and the dialog are perfectly chosen. They took me to the experience of losing my own mother and the unexpected ways she stays with me. Thank you.
Thank you for your comments, Janet. Like you, I continue to discover new and surprising ways my mother remains with me.
Ah, Marion, I’ve been waiting for this. And it was every bit worth the wait, every bit the exquisite, vivid writing that is YOU. Thank you for sharing it with the world.
Dear Ryder, thank you for your support always and for your response to this piece now and before. It means so much to me, my friend.
So much is contained in the three paragraphs here. The dream, the reality, and the mystery of the connection. This truly was a beautiful thing to read on this Monday morning. Thank you.
Thank you for reading and for your comments, JoJo. So much in this that remains mysterious to me.
YES. And thank you.
Dear Kate, thank you for reading!
Ah, Marian, the dream, the reality, the After. So much heart in this small piece. Lovely.
Sara, thank you for all your kindness around this piece.
so special a song
spokesman for the much natural life behind us
much heavenly life ahead
beautiful rendition
Thank you, Rhea, for your lovely comments. Your response is a song!
Very touching Marian-
Ann, thank you and love always.
This is truly a beautiful thing.
Thank you for reading, Nancy, and for your kind response.
It’s hard to make a dream VISIBLE for someone else, and maintain the emotion it brought you — you do both beautifully here. I love the echo of the Rio de Janeiro statue and that POW ending. So so lovely, Marion! And talk about auspicious timing!!
Dear Eileen, thank you always for your response. The dream was so vivid when it came. And yet mysterious. The timing just right, you’re right!
Just beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes. That’s effective writing!!
Thank you, Toni. You are so kind to respond. I’m glad the essay met you.
There is such complexity and depth within your story yet it is so beautifully told in a simple manner with a simple guiding message, to follow: your mother, your intuition, your chosen path and the signs you are presented, for all will move you toward and ground you in what is important, needed and desired.
Tassey, thank you for reading and for your beautiful, caring response.
Marian what a moving piece. Sensitive, strong and the image of your mother’s arms like a cross-carrying her in your dream-wow. The ending is so beautiful. It is how people get their bearings-yes the daughter finds her way- you find your way. I just love that. Bravo! Published a few days before her birthday-a gift.
Dear Amalia, thank you for reading and taking the time to respond. I so appreciate your thoughts. The timing of the appearance of this piece was very special—confluence of birthdays and the eclipse, and of the personal and universal.
So familiar, so powerfully rendered. Thanks.
Thank you for reading, Jeff, and for your kind words. Grateful that this tiny essay resonated with you.
In Marian Rogers’ narrative, she shares a dream where she and her mother find themselves stranded in a boat without a sail, washed ashore on a tranquil beach. Rogers describes her mother’s appearance as small and wooden, portraying her fragility and vulnerability. As Rogers helps her mother onto shore, she notices her arms outstretched in a cross-like position, symbolizing sacrifice and perhaps hinting at her mother’s impending departure. The dream transitions to a real-life moment where Rogers and her daughter visit her mother in a care community. Rogers experiences the heartbreaking reality of her mother’s dementia as she no longer recognizes who they are . This is sad because it shows how memory loss can make people forget their loved ones, causing a lot of pain and sadness for everyone involved.
Your words are a beautiful tribute to the unbreakable bond between mother and daughter, and the profound impact of love and loss. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and moving piece with us.
This is a beautiful and touching story. As the care center portrays the loss of her memory and the dream portrays the loss of her life. “The shape of a cross. To carry her, I position my arms under hers, crisscross. Off the boat, we take a few steps. Then she disappears.” This dream may symbolize her passing on.