By Colleen Addison
It has been a lifetime since I have wanted: a long illness leads to a closed-off heart. Now I watch the play of muscle under her sleeves, and my nerves jangle. Is this what it feels like when your emotions stand ajar? She kindles the fire in her woodstove, and I try not to see meaning in this; the stove’s kindling, I think, cannot match a heart’s and not mine, in any case. But her grey-white hair is enlivened by the beginning flames, the one curl flamelit by the curve of her neck. I didn’t used to feel surprise at this, a rush of blood to the ventricles. But then, when I was last this way, my skin was smooth without surgery scars. The woman I am watching tugs on the stove’s latch, and the newly laid blaze rises up to accept the next log.
There’s a glance my way, and it’s like nothing I’ve felt in so long, a crack in my chest as the ribs expand. I don’t know, though; does she want me? How to ascertain: if I ever knew, I have forgotten. But I extend my fingers, tentative towards her. This is what it feels like, a latch being tugged. She might not feel the same, this woman with fire shining through her hair. She might say no, or she might say yes. Either way, I am alive, healing. Either way my heart might break. Let it break, then. Let it break open.
Colleen Addison completed a Master’s degree in Creative Writing, followed by a PhD in health information; she then promptly got sick herself. She now lives, writes, and heals on a small island off the coast of Vancouver, Canada. Her work has been recently published in Halfway Down the Stairs, Flash Fiction Friday, and A Story in 100 Words. She has been nominated for a Best of the Net award.
Image by Josh Withers courtesy of Unsplash
Curiouser and curiouser. I wanted to be the fly or reader on the wall. What’s happening here? I felt as if I memorized it on the read thru…A wood burning stove? Desire? Recovering health.
Thank you so much! 🙂
beauty is happening here, along with all of the above possiblities. how wonderful to allow the heart to crack open at any time of life, most especially the grey-haired time.
Oh thank you. This was a lovely comment to get 🙂
Beautiful!
🙂 ty!
Gorgeous. The depth of the images and the final lines are piercing. Thank you!
Thank you! This was such a nice comment to read. 🙂
Absolutely lovely!
Thanks! 🙂
Rejuvenating to me. Thank you.
Ah, rejuvenating. Lovely! So glad my work had that effect. 🙂
“Either way, I am alive, healing. Either way my heart might break.” I teared up. So moving, thank you.
Thank you! 🙂 Tears: that’s such an honour 🙂
So Beautiful Colleen. You have a gift. And I love the fact that you have chosen to heal here, with us, on this wee isle…❤️❤️
Thanks Lorraine! 🙂 I’m glad I ended up here too. 🙂
Well done. I held my breath from start to finish! The ending was perfect.
Beautiful, Colleen! I got you from the very beginning and walked with you to the very end when my first tear was joined by a few others.
Exquisite! ❤️🔥