Oxytocin

April 29, 2024

By Gaia Holmes

We’re in lockdown, and, until today, I had not touched another living thing for three months apart from my house plants, but this morning I held a woodpigeon, felt its frightened heart thudding and kicking against my palm and I nearly cried. He’d stumbled in through my open window thinking he’d found a new kind of sky. Once in, he wanted to be out and tornadoed through my tiny flat with his huge wings shedding feathers as he knocked cups off their hooks and candles from their holders. I’d often seen him perched in the oak tree in the neighbor’s garden, small in the distance and round as a Christmas pudding. When he graced my lonely world he was big – a cannon ball, a wrecking ball, a blessing of blood, beak, and beautiful havoc.

I left him for a while hoping he’d work out how to get back into his usual sky, but in the end, I had to lift him. He was warm and heavy and real in my hands and I wanted to hold onto him. I wanted to rest my head on his plump grey chest and listen to the boom of another life, but I let him go, watched him stumble through the air like a drunken angel who had just been kicked out of heaven.

 

Gaia Holmes is the author of 3 poetry collections. She is a creative writing tutor and pet/house sitter and lives in Halifax, UK. Her debut collection of short stories, He Used To Do Dangerous Things, is due to be published by Comma Press in May 2024.

Image by Ellie Burgin courtesy of Pexels

24 Comments

  1. Melinda Burns

    Gorgeous!

    Reply
    • Molly

      I love, “…new kind of sky…”
      Wonderful narrative.
      Thank you.

      Reply
    • Rhea Daniel

      Both elegant and rambunctious. Laughing and crying maybe in the same space.

      Reply
  2. Cheryl

    Beautiful indeed. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Jen Shields

      Absolutely exquisite

      Reply
      • Deborah

        All the feels here this Monday morning. Simply gorgeous use of each word. Thank you.

        Reply
  3. Jennifer

    oh my goodness. breathtaking. what a lovely piece to start my monday with. thank you! xo.

    Reply
  4. Leslie Middleton

    So much that comes to the quick if it:
    Listen to the boom …
    Kicked out of Heaven …
    A blessings of blood, beak and beautiful havoc

    Thank you for bringing sweet awe to my morning.

    Reply
  5. Hanna Saltzman

    Astounding. My heart pounds just imagining feeling the thud of the bird’s heart 3 months into lockdown. Thank you!

    Reply
  6. Kory Wells

    “round as a Christmas pudding”… “a blessing of blood, beak, and beautiful havoc”…tornado as a verb… so lovely!

    Reply
  7. Virginia Foley

    What absolutely gorgeous piece. I just read it out loud to my husband and we are both in awe. Thank you for this…I’ll come back to it again and again. Just wow.

    Reply
  8. Jillian McKelvey

    My own hearts thuds as I lie back and reflect on every beautiful moment, from the author’s embrace of the havoc to the pulsing pillow in her hands. Irish author, Claire Keegan, makes every word matter. Gaia Holmes does too.

    Oxytocin—i had to look it up—“stimulates various types of positive social interaction. In addition, it promotes growth and healing.” Wow.

    Reply
  9. Janet Johnston

    Love the voice and vivid, sensuous details. I imagined holding my cheek to the pigeons’ breast, the antidote to isolation, the drunken angel kicked out of heaven. All of it wonderful. Thank you!

    Reply
  10. Linda Hall

    I absolutely love this! What a beautiful way to start the day — I’m on my way to a pre-surgery appointment, feeling nervous, and this was just what I needed to read today. Bless you!

    Reply
  11. Raphael H Kosek

    This piece is stunning and captures so very much in such short space! I adore it!

    Reply
  12. Nancy Nichols

    What a great moment in time of you with the woodpigeon in your home! A connection with a different creature taking you out of locked down solitude.
    I hope you will see this bird again able to acknowledge each other and, perhaps, become friends.

    Reply
  13. Nancy Hesting

    Beautiful!

    Reply
  14. Judy Reeves

    “…a blessing of blood, beak, and beautiful havoc.” I love all of this!

    Reply
  15. Lauren

    Such a beautifully written piece. Thoroughly enjoyed reading!

    Reply
  16. Kevin C.

    It is said that you don’t understand how much you miss something until you really become deprived of it, and this is a great showing of the necessity of real being interactions.

    Reply
  17. Samaya Surgick

    I like this article and how using a bird is a metaphor for a boy and the title Oxytocin was interesting title as well.

    Reply
  18. Shelley Massinga

    A touching and beautifully vivid reflection of the profound longing for connection during isolation. Thank you!

    Reply
  19. gaia holmes

    Oh my goodness! I have just popped by to relish some ‘Beautiful Things’ and I have come across all these wonderful comments on my ‘Oxytocin’ piece. I’m so glad that so many people enjoyed my writing, and thanks for letting me know you did.

    Sadly this particular ‘blessing of blood, beak and havoc’ was called Elvis. He passed away 2 years ago following an eye injury but you’ll be pleased to know I have a whole glittering, cooing, chirping gang of blessings that I feed every day and they give me so much joy.

    Once again, thanks for all the nourishing feedback everyone x

    Reply
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