By Robin Lanehurst
On the day my mother died, it was raining, the kind of corded sheets of rain that soak you through before you even realize you’re wet. The long hallway of the ICU had a wall of windows with drab hospital chairs on one side and door after door on the other—all closed. I looked out of one of the windows. I could see the street—it was Clayton Road, and I knew that Forest Park was just out of my line of sight to the right, and I knew that the Esquire Theater where we saw movies on Christmas day was just out of my line of sight to my left, and I knew that my mother would never see either of those landmarks again.
Dad returned with a plastic bag; he opened it, wordless, to reveal my mother’s socks, her shoes, her underwear, the books she had on her nightstand, the huge plastic jug she always kept full of ice water, the solar powered plastic flower that someone had given her early on in this hospital stay. She loved this thing, for some reason. It was supposed to rock back and forth when sunlight hit its sensor. Dad reached in and handed it to me. What little hair he had on his head had frizzed into thin puffs; he looked as if he’d been electrocuted.
I set the flower on the windowsill, but it didn’t move.
Robin Lanehurst is currently writing from Portland, OR where she lives with her wife, preschooler, and a small menagerie of pets. Her work has appeared in Psychology Today, Motherwell, and Rooted in Rights, among other outlets. She was also a finalist for the 2023 Fishtrap Fellowship and the 2021 Pen Parentis Fellowship for New Parents.
Image by Thom Milkovic courtesy of Unsplash
Exquisite. I know that rain; I know that park. Rendered with pathos.
I know that rain; I know that park. Rendered with pathos.
Perfect moment rendered with such precision.
Sad sad sad. And beautiful.
Beautifully felt and shared moment of hyptnotic grief. Thank you.
You must have been at St Mary’s. I lice close to their and went to the movies on Christmas Day as a child as well.
You capture the trapped claustrophobia of the hospital experience perfectly.
Beautifully written. I could see everything you described with vivid images making a little movie for me.
This piece perfectly captures the what stays in the mind after a significant event like the death of a parent. At the time,it all seems ordinary, but these things are never ordinary again because they have new meaning.
Wow!! Breathless! What a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your heart, Robin!
Robin, this is beautifully done. It seems to stop time, so feels inescapable. Like grief. Thank you for sharing it with the world.
So sad, yet exquisitely rendered. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this exquisite piece. Every word is a jewel.
It was almost like that flower and your mother was attached somehow, and when the day dimmed so did her light. A touching story that made me feel a hint of that grief.