By Joel Savishinsky
He had red hair, almost white in certain slants of light. It was his first time on the ward. Barely three years into his life, the stuffed creatures were larger than he was, and he liked hiding among them. He loved his coloring book, and with his crayons he re-made creation to fit his palette: a smiling blue lion, a grinning green giraffe, a playful purple monkey. The hues each found a home in the peaceable kingdom of his mind.
Now he himself had green hair, feral enough at fourteen to shame the moon. Only a few staff were around who had known his younger self. The animals and coloring book too had left long ago with some other child. He lived on music, protein shakes, and the shakiest of hopes. He found a girlfriend in the next room. One evening a nurse heard him say to her: One of us will live, and one of us will die. How shall we choose?
A year later he had no hair. His grown-up eyes were closed much of the time, his nights spent conquering the self without the help of the sutra his yoga teacher once recited. One day, in the morning, he stood up, pushed up the window as if opening a heart. Back in bed, headphones on, the colors of life all washed away by chemical baths, his hands in his parents’ keeping, his blue-veined lids slowly eased down, leaving his last looks lost in the black and white words of the nurse’s notes.
Joel Savishinsky, a grandfather, social activist and Pushcart nominee, is a retired professor of anthropology and gerontology. His Breaking the Watch: The Meanings of Retirement in America won the Gerontology Society’s annual book prize; his collection, Our Aching Bones, Our Breaking Hearts: Poems on Aging, came out in 2023. Connect with Joel at savishin@gmail.com
Image by BNMK0819 courtesy of Adobe Stock
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