By Lauren Fath
You put spoons in the food you’ve brought so I can take what I want: peanut noodles, sliced beets, fava beans. You set out white woven placemats, cloth napkins, silverware, and we eat lunch, discussing our writing: next books, your new studio. I don’t tell you you’re my muse; that will come later, after we’ve left this adobe house in the New Mexico mountains, where you’re gracious to let me stay. You won’t let me wash dishes. You take me to dinner at a restaurant in a deconsecrated church, The Love Apple, which has an actual apple tree on the patio, green fruits too fledgling to pick. You take a snapshot of us beneath the tree, my face leaned into your long brown hair. I don’t mention that love apples are, in fact, tomatoes, based on the French—pommes d’amour. We eat in the dim, dancing light of a taper candle placed in an empty wine bottle. The amethyst of your wedding ring glimmers. You look at me with earnest eyes, even when I talk too eagerly about the Hoover Dam, or desire, or my need for reciprocity. The next morning, you open doors and pull aside curtains so the breeze sweeps through. You sit in the same room and write with me, where I am writing this. Outside, the little lizards on your porch are looking for something; last night you told me I should find a partner. It’s not like that, I tried to say. I am here.
Lauren Fath is the author of My Hands, Remembering: A Memoir (Passengers Press, 2022, finalist for the New Mexico/Arizona Book Awards) and the lyric essay chapbook A Landlocked State (Quarterly West, 2020). Her work has appeared in CutBank, Fourth Genre, and the Tahoma Literary Review, among others, and has received Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net nominations. She is an associate professor of English at New Mexico Highlands University in Las Vegas, New Mexico.
Image by Ala J Graczyk courtesy of Pexels
Gorgeous writing! Such longing mirrored in evocative descriptions of being together in a beautiful space.
This is so beautiful, it makes my heart ache.
This was flat out DREAMY!
This piece feels like a slow dance. The intimacy and the apples, the lizards and unrequited love. The writing brings the ache to the surface. Stunning.